Monday, December 12, 2011

Keep Your Freak Money!

When I stop waking up at ridiculous hours I'll probably forget to blog again, but today I woke up at 2am—it's 5am as I start this—and I need to do something with my time. So, I'll bring you the story of Saturday.
It's the day of the Scribes of Lancaster Christmas-ish Winter Holiday Party Thing and I need to pick up @CielWilson because her ass don't drive. We head out of her neighborhood and drive through Historic Downtown and Santa Claus is crossing the street at Columbus and Wheeling, and he's wearing this red suit (of course) with these suspenders that had jingle bells on them (like a boss). And he waves at us and we act like complete dorks while waving back. I tried to play it cool at first, but come on… it's Santa Claus. We're lame. Santa Claus is awesome.
I need suspenders with jingle bells…they have to be black and silver though because I don't wear a lot of red.

Anyway…we have to go by the store before the meeting and the Charity Newsies, or some other people that stand in the road and collect money for charity, are standing at the intersection by the grocery store. I wanted to donate some cash, but neither one of us could reach our wallets in that moment. My money was stuck because I couldn't get my hand past the seat belt and down into the pocket of my black monster fur coat. And then the light changed. So we drove onward to the store and decided to have the cash out in advance for the next time we drove past—which would be only a few minutes later. When we came back they were gone. It wasn't even noon yet, and there was no trace of the guys. Maybe it was too cold out, but here's the conversation I'd like to imagine that they had:

Guy #1: Did you see the freak? Guy #2: Yeah. And that one black girl.
Guy #1: Is that like the only one in town?
Guy #2: *shrugs* I see her everywhere. I think they were trying to donate some money. Guy #1: I bet that freak worships Marilyn Manson…if we take their money then we'll only be able to buy cheap metal pentagram necklaces, fishnets and eyeliner for the poor.
Guy #2: Better get out of here then. Can't be making any more freaks. And there you have it.

P.S. Someone did accuse me of worshiping Marilyn Manson once. I don't know why exactly.

P.P.S. @CielWilson often gets mistaken for some of the other black women around town when she looks nothing like them so we say that, to most people around here, there's only one black woman in the whole city.

Then we started yelling to no one in particular about how we'll just keep our freak money.

 We made it to the party where I managed to get the never-ending sugar headache from one mocha, one cookie and a small piece of candy. Slightly healthier eating habits have apparently ruined my taste for multitudes of sweets which probably explains the abundance of leftover Halloween and Easter candy still hanging around the kitchen.

 In closing here's a creepy robot Santa Claus


1 comment:

  1. This gave me a hearty chuckle for the day.

    ReplyDelete