Dream: Unconventional Ways of Getting Cancer

This dream was pretty weird, but it's short. Contains some body-related weirdness.

I dropped into this dream in a grocery store of some sort, and I knew my mission as soon as I got there. I was going to get me some cancer. (This was the sort of dream where I could only observe and not change anything, so don’t judge me.)

I lifted the edge of my shirt up about halfway and looked down. Just below my navel was a horizontal slice through my skin, and from that cut protruded a segment of PVC pipe—probably about 1/2 inch in diameter and 2 inches long. I really didn't have an opinion about having a pipe sticking out of my abdomen. But I set off to figure out how I could get cancer…because, yeah, I don’t know.

First I found a plastic bag in the produce section. I examined it very carefully and made sure it didn't have any holes in it. I stared at the bag and at the pipe in my belly. Something was missing.

So I walked around for a while. Studied the cereal aisle. Looked at the meat case. Crunched up corn flakes. Ground beef and pork. I wondered if that would work, but decided against it. I went to the dairy section. Yes. This was it.

I opened a container of whipped cream cheese and put a good-sized glob into the plastic bag. After that I squished it around until it was spread around the inside of the bag. I sized up the bag and the pipe. It was time to get cancer. I wiggled the pipe to see how secure it was and then tried to feed the plastic bag of cream cheese into the opening. I tried all sorts of ways of getting the bag in there. I tried to poke it in with my finger. I tried to stick the corner of the bag in first. It didn't work. I was left there looking at the pipe and the bag. Not sure what the fuck I was doing. Oh, and there were people in the store now. Looking. Judging.

I really don't where this dream came from, but as it was happening I was judging myself too. The weirdest part was that I experienced a pain sensation whenever I’d mess with the pipe. It was a sensation similar to playing with a still-healing body piercing.

Dream: Literarily Weird

I'm almost embarrassed to post this just due to the level of weird, but I have written before about the majestic awkwardness of my dreams and it's not quite flying around on a waffle. I also kept waking up overnight, so I kind of had dream vignettes that lead up to some fuckery that will probably surprise you or not.


1.

"Are you wearing a skirt?" My mom gives me a weird look as she lounges on a large sofa in an art gallery. The towering walls are crowded with framed artwork. (It's basically like the gallery rooms from Penny Dreadful where Dorian Gray hangs out.)

I look down and pull at the light blue fabric and immediately recognize what I'm wearing, so I correct her, "It's Sailor Mercury cosplay."

Mind you, it's not good Sailor Mercury cosplay, but something I tried to sew when I was eleven or twelve. A white tank top with pleated blue fabric sewn onto the bottom. Complete the look for yourself with shorts, spiky dark brown hair, and dark-rimmed glasses. Very hipster dude ironically cosplaying as Sailor Mercury. Good choice, subconscious.

I'm being haunted by unfinished sewing projects past.


2.

I wander into a bathroom. It's pretty dark, lit only by amber-tinged light from stained light bulbs. The glass on a couple of the bulbs is broken, but the filaments are still glowing. The toilet has electronics thrown into it. Wii and Xbox controllers. More junk is thrown into the filthy bathtub.

The mirror is smudged and dirty. I can't see my reflection that well and I'm not quite sure why I'm in there so I leave.


3.

In another room a doorbell rings, so I walk the halls to find it. This building is darkly Victorian in style, lots of curiosities everywhere, except it's exposed to unreasonably bright light. It's kind of like looking at a theater scene when all the stage and house lights are up, and there aren't any curtains to cast shadows. Not sure if I'm even in the same building as before or if I'm jumping between locations each time I fall back asleep. Whatever, I'm still in my total crap cosplay.

I open the double doors to the outside and find a very tan, shirtless muscle guy and a pale trans woman in a shiny spandex club wear kind of dress. Neither of them talk to me, but they just walk into the house like it's totally obvious that they would be there. I follow them and don't try to question anything that's going on.

There's another art gallery sort of room, but this is a different one. The artwork is larger and not as cluttered. An elaborate bed is set up against the wall at the back of the room. Clothes start coming off. Oh, okay, this is one of those dreams.

I watch for a while, and decide to join them because this is my dream and they brought me along. I kiss the woman. They're both trying to get me out of my fetching Sailor Mercury costume, but I hold onto it because I think I'm going to need it later. And I keep hearing this odd noise outside the room.


4.

The next time I'm aware of it, the room has shifted into something more modern and smaller. The bed is still against the wall. Eventually I decide to go check out the weird noise. It's the sound of shuffling and more solid footsteps. Maybe I'm paranoid because my dreams don't just gift wrap attractive naked people for me. That's not how this goes. Ever.

After finding nothing worthy of notice in the bright hallway, I head back into the room and close the double doors. The naked people have been going on without me. I sit on the edge of the bed and get used to the idea that this could possibly be a sexy dream and not a weird one.

I put my hand on the muscle guy's thigh. The doors to the room burst open and there's a scraggly-looking man with a mustache standing there. He's in a worn brown suit that might have been a nicer suit at some point in time. He has a revolver. I jump up and dive for him. It's all very slow motion. He fires off four shots in an arc over the naked muscle guy's head.

Yes, Edgar Allan Poe just showed up to the sexy dream and started shooting at us. All of us glare at him. End scene.


 --I have loosely interpreted this dream as trying to tell me that I need to stop fucking around and get back to writing.

I Like The Black Keys, but Not As Much As My Subconscious Does

I wanted to post this the other day, but I keep being super lame and falling asleep really early because I have a cold (and I suck).
So, The Black Keys are doing a show at The Schott in March 2012 and tickets officially went on sale Friday, but the pre-sale was Thursday. I listened to CD101 that morning and heard the pre-sale code, but I know I can't afford to buy tickets now and I don't like arena shows unless I'm desperate to see a band. I went on through the day and did my usual take the Vicodin and fall asleep on the sofa at 8pm thing that I've been doing the past week because in addition to an annoying cold I'm still recovering from having my broken tooth pulled.

During that sleepy time I had a dream.
I'm driving along US 33, coming back from Athens apparently, and I stop at a gas station, but it's not a gas station because it looks like a Mooby's. Once I'm in the Mooby-like gas station thing everything is so yellow and red inside and the fluorescent lights burn my eyes because I don't deal well with those sorts of things. So I look up after being blinded and my brother--who lives in South Carolina-- is standing behind the counter. We don't recognize each other at first, and he had shaved his beard off, which is trippy, but he still has long hair. Once we recognize each other he starts talking about The Black Keys and how we're getting tickets to this show. I don't know if he even likes the band or not IRL, but whatever.
So, we go in this storage area, or break room, or office, or place with lots of boxes and a computer, and we sit on boxes and I know the pre-sale code (It was "lonely," like the song I posted up there "Lonely Boy"), and we totally buy tickets. And there were a lot of "and"s in that last sentence. Then we give high fives and say things like "I'm so stoked" and "Super sweet," etc. My subconscious makes people talk funny. I don't know if I've ever said "I'm so stoked." :D
And then I woke up.
And I still haven't bought tickets because I don't really like arena shows. Also, I'm kind of broke.
So, the message I got from this dream was that it would be cool to hang out with my brother, and that I think The Black Keys are pretty cool, but somewhere in my head a portion of my brain is going "OMG, I LOVE THE BLACK KEYS!!!!1! OMFG! OMFG!"
And I just don't like them quite like that... but I really would like to see the Arctic Monkeys sometime(They're the supporting act for that show).

Dream: Backwards Underpants

I've been bad about posting, but there's plenty of excuses about that including: dead tired, medical tests, making cookies and paper flowers for my Mother's wedding, trying to finish other projects. I haven't even had any strange dreams in the past couple weeks, but I had a lame one a couple nights ago--so here it is...
About a year and a half ago I went to see Deadstar Assembly do a show in Cleveland. While I attended the show I bought a set of merch that was referred to as "Ladies Night" which included a CD, pins and DSA boyshorts...and I think that was it. The boyshorts are black and have a logo on the hip. Anyway, my dream last night was that--horror of horrors-- I had been wearing the boyshorts backwards every time that I've worn them. Meaning that the logo should not be on the front of my hip, but more on my butt. Quelle horreur!
I was actually disturbed enough to wake up from the nightmare. In fact, it was almost scary enough to make me get out of bed to check my underwear drawer in order to see if it was true. I realized how asinine the very idea was, so I went back to sleep.

Dream: Love Hangover Nightmare

I just started researching the history of male circumcision, and discovered the only real instances of non-Jewish males being circumcised started in the Victorian Era... oh, and it went along with preventing masturbation. I will soon have more to add to my discussion of Victorian Self-Love.
As I was reading and deciding what to post I managed to start up a dripping nosebleed, which is funny if you've watched anime.

One of my friends showed me the following video the other day and that evening I promptly had a nightmare involving gay icon Zeb Atlas.


His arms look like they belong on one of those oddly-proportioned 10-inch X-Men action figures. And maybe that scares me because the arms broke off of those figures really easily--or maybe Magneto just wasn't well-suited for gladiator battles or being thrown down the stairs.


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So, anyway a guy who looked much like the man with action figure arms who cannot be saved by autotune showed up in my odd dream. I was taking some business-related class in a school surrounded by winding brick-paved roads, nice houses and massive amounts of cemeteries-- I should've known I was in trouble with all the cemeteries around. At this business event there I was--dressed in black--the bodybuilder and a lot of frumpy-looking business women in pastel suits who had creepy too-nice smiles. The guy was wearing a short-sleeved white dress shirt and a bowtie that mostly made me think he was trying to be Clark Kent, or Captain Hero, or just ridiculous. For some reason I did not find him to be a complete freak (some bodybuilders creep me out with their muscle bulginess--which is funny because long ago I worked with several bodybuilders), and mostly felt sorry for him because I figured he would go the way of the actions figures as my dreams are kind of rough on people and most of my action figures ended up with makeshift electrical tape casts holding their arms onto their bodies. I wasn't a very conventional doctor to my action figures...


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So, back in the odd dream--after the class meeting was over I decided I would walk home--which was apparently several hours of walking. So, I walked the winding medieval roads through the suburbs which led to beautiful green hills that reminded me of pictures of Ireland. Then I arrived at a cemetery. It was the biggest cemetery I have ever dreamed up. It was all stone--no grass at all-- and it led up to a towering castle-like crypt. Conveniently, I was told that it was the "Vampire Castle" by the pale, skinny, nerdy guys who were dressed in blue jeans and black t-shirts, but wore giant gothy capes over their ensembles. I'm not talking about "Hey, mom look at the sweet cape I got at the Ren Faire" style, but more along the lines of the Death Eaters from Harry Potter--complete with ethereal energy following them around as well. Oh, or maybe they were like ringwraiths from LOTR without dead kings underneath their capes.
My first thought was This is such a stupid dream.
The "vampires" were trying to avoid the sun, but continued to walk in a circle around a obelisk in the middle of the broken crypt. I reveled in how pointless this was, and then the muscle guy showed up. The vampire kids hissed like cats and ran away. Muscle guy carried me out of the crypt and was certain he had just saved my life from the circle-walking dorks. I started to think that he looked rather sexy... Once that thought sunk in I worried about where this dream was going.
Okay, we're going to stop this train right before it gets to idiotic town...I'm just going to wake up now.
And I did.

Dream: Ride the Waffles...or Cake Rolls!

Several days ago I had a dream that was remarkable in its lack of disturbing content... well I guess it still disturbed me because it was so far away from my normal level of strange.

So, dream sequence begin...

I had this feeling that I was driving to Minnesota or Wisconsin, but anyway I was on a very busy highway. This was not a normal highway at all because off to the right there was a giant parking lot with a lot of fast fast food establishments. I pulled off and went to McDonalds (this should be my first hint that something is rather off). I see my husband here, but he plans on driving ahead. After taking a break I get back on the actual road and see the bright yellow sign that says to share the road with trains. Yes, there are semis and trains on this road. The trains have tracks off to the right. I get into the lane on the right near the train tracks and approach a tunnel. A concrete door drops down into my lane and the yellow sign has some sort of delayed warning on it. I slam on the brakes and as I sit in front of the yellow sign I think "Screw this, I'll use the GPS."
The GPS tells me to cross four lanes of traffic, which I do. And I get into the tunnel. This path is twisted, carnival colors and reminds me of that boat ride in the Willy Wonka movies. The tunnel itself terminates into a huge warehouse and I am removed from my car and it is taken away down some tracks. They later tell me that it's in some parking lot. I assume I have to put up with this nonsense since everyone who was on the road is probably in here somewhere.
My group follows this noisy tour guide through the warehouse and she's telling us something about candy or sweets and how this is just how they do things in whatever state we're in. State of confusion? Anyway, there's a buffet of odd Eastern European foods set up, and nothing I would eat, but the sort of thing that you'd see on "Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern"--cabbage and congealed fish mostly (that may sound awesome to you, but I just can't eat pickled stuff). There's also a sad-looking Oom-pah band in faded folk garb. They look friendly enough, but the music is quiet and not all that in tune.
After the buffet that I cannot eat and the band that I mostly feel sorry for we're led to another drab concrete hallway, and a wide ledge with five railroad tracks leading to it. The tour guide tells us that we'll all have to jump soon. The ledge is about seven feet tall and I'm thinking "No f-ing way am I jumping down there." Everyone else lines up with their track as they know what's going on. As the people move forward giant waffles and equally gigantic slices of cake roll come down the tracks and pause in front of the ledge. Some of the waffles have scoops of ice cream on them--in either blue, pink or white-- and the cake rolls are all the lovely rainbow of pastel colors of the cake rolls I like to buy at the Taiwanese bakery I go to in Columbus. (Ichiban Bakery is fantastic btw)
So, now I'm looking at people from all demographics hop on their waffles or cake rolls and ride away down the series of tunnels. I see the elderly tourists who look right out of the 80's with their old cameras, then there's the punk guy in skinny black jeans, a man in a suit, and a pair of very tan teenage girls in summer clothing, etc. As I'm watching all this, all I can think is, "I'm not jumping on a damn waffle."
It's not that I really care all that much about looking stupid, but the ledge is high and I cannot believe that my brain came up with this notion. I'm left alone with the tour guide, and she says that this is the only way out of here...so I finally jump onto the waffle and see where it leads.
I guess each track went somewhere different, but I ended up in front of one of those carts, or caravans, where someone would be selling snake oil cure-alls of some variety during the 19th Century. Oh, and the guy doing the talking completely looked the part, but he was giving out gourmet jelly beans instead of quackery. He spoke of the magic powers of jelly beans to make people happy and sprinkled the crowd with them, but he tossed a full bag of them to me. They were green, and pear-flavored, and when people started trying to take them from me I woke up...

I guess what I realized in this dream is that my brain has some whimsy left in it, and at the time I had no idea why Minnesota came into play, but I do now...
Oh, and if you try to take candy from me I get annoyed enough to completely ruin the whole scene just so that I don't lose something that I feel entitled to.