It may be of interest to people outside poetry class.... or not

Since I'll soon be out of time to write anything better I've just decided to take the silly biographical paragraph I wrote and add a little more school info to it and let it go off to the Dylan Days Creative Writing Contest as it is. I'm submitting a satirical poem about politics to that contest. The Deadline is 11:59pm March 1st to their online dropbox.
So, onward to what I had actually intended to post a few days ago...
This is a poem that spun-off of a chat in class where we read and talked about Naomi Shihab Nye's work, and then there was a brief comment on Neil Carpathios' poems in comparison to hers. There was a reference to the brains of men and women being different that I found odd, but then again I've never been one to buy into either way that the genders are hyped--it was just a comment though.
I couldn't think of anything further that I wanted to do with this poem, so here it is.


Carbohydrates

men's brains are like waffles
women's brains are like spaghetti
both ideas I find utterly ridiculous
but mostly I'm bitter about
being on a low carb diet
so I can have neither
in this theory, are zombies
carb-crazed after a failed bout
of a crash Atkins diet
gorging on the cookies and sweetbreads
of the human body, with noodles
hanging between their rotting teeth
grinning deliriously like a kid
high on decorators icing

--J.Lannan

A Personal Hatred of Writing Biographical Paragraphs

You can probably tell that I have a paper to write and various things that need to go out in the mail(or e-mail) soon...which is why I'm writing on this blog. I find this is the most efficient way to procrastinate.
Up there with writing papers in a timely manner, and somewhere next door to resume writing, I've discovered another thing that I dislike, and that would be writing biographical paragraphs. I apparently need one for a poetry contest that I'm entering and I don't like writing about myself. Of course I do like writing about myself, but I don't find bios all that thrilling. I also wonder how creative I can be with this endeavor and what is too trivial to include. On my bio for last.fm I always update it to describe whatever I'm wearing on any given day that I log on--which I did tonight.
After a while I developed approaches to at least writing bios for online profiles, but so far professional-sounding bios don't work for me. My brain is immediately bored, it starts sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher lives somewhere in my skull, as soon as I approach the task. So I decided to write up a kind of ridiculous bio to get my brain in gear to write a slightly more serious one when I feel like torturing myself tomorrow evening.

Jennifer Lannan attends this one school where she is earning another degree that will hopefully amount to something more than just delaying the inevitable paying of the college loans. She spends way too much time at thrift stores trying to find the ugliest suit coats that she'll never buy, and living in a delusional state where the weather is always warmish, but kind of rainy, and everyone is friendly with just the right amount of spite....it's a very witty spite, so it's a bit more tolerable and easier to laugh at.

Just an update...with various readings

I would say, "Well, I didn't do much this week," but I kind of did. Mostly bogged down in reading and trying to write a few things. I find it funny that the week I feel kind of drained by reading is the same week that we're covering the same novel ("To the Lighthouse" by Virginia Woolf) in both English Literature classes that I'm taking this quarter.
On Monday I read two poems at the poetry open mic that featured Dr. Neil Carpathios at Ohio University Lancaster (Just a little info about him at the link). It went well, but someone from OUL was taking pictures and I was not feeling all that photogenic, but that's how it goes. I will also fail to mention the part of the evening that annoyed me the most, but do you believe in open mic trolls?


see more Memebase

Anyway...
Tonight (Friday), I'll be heading out to Ohio University's main campus in Athens to check out a reading. Not sure what my game plan is after that, but will be hanging out there for a little while.

I don't think I'll be able to make it up to Columbus for this reading, but my friend Sarah Hans will be doing a fiction reading at this event on Saturday evening at Also Goods. Joel Weston will be reading from his book "Tabula Rasa." FB page

I was told to write something silly this week to keep my mind busy and all I came up with were things that probably need cartoons with them... like the Angry Poetry Drill Sergent. I'll leave you wondering on that one.
He mostly yells about end rhymes and metaphors...a lot.


see more Historic LOL

Love Poetry for the Repugnant: Dear Non-Believer,

To the untrained eye it may appear that I found a life in the last few days, but in reality that's only partially true. Went to a party, wrote a paper, still not a fan of my laptop, but the keyboard did flatten out a bit (or I just adjusted to it).
Anyway, this letter goes out to someone I met at a bar...


Dear Non-Believer,

We only shared a picture together
and I have no idea who you are.
No... really I don't.
You asked me repeatedly, but I was never afraid of you.
My friend, however, was a bit concerned that if
she threw a drink in your face that you may
stab us.
Calling yourself the "Non-Believer" is
no way to get into anyone's pants.
Maybe you should drink a lot more
before you try to invent your own nicknames--
which is pretty pathetic anyway.
In some poor art student's portfolio there lies
a photograph of two people in black
and fishnet trapped for eternity
next to the "Non-Believer."

Cheers,
J

Love Poetry for the Repugnant: Dear PowerBook G4

This is an unplanned letter to something I already have a relationship with.

Dear PowerBook G4,

Why is today the day that the keyboard goes all wavy?
Without the case even distorting back to it's former poor position.
All in the course of the same old traveling from the library to the car.
I feel like I'm typing on the seven seas and I need Dramamine.
You've let me down and perhaps this will be the last time--
oh, but I'm still using you right now and you hold hostage all my files in your innards because I haven't backed them up yet.
Maybe if I type with enough animosity my fingers will flatten you out.
You know that I have a midterm to type tomorrow.

I have no kind words for you,
J

Love Poetry for the Repugnant: Dear T---

In the time before Valentine's Day I've decided to write some letters to people that I never dated. If you wish to participate in Love Poetry for the Repugnant just let me know and I will post your link in the side bar. If I know you well enough and you'd like to be authorized to write on this blog I could set that in motion as well. When I started this I had not planned on being the only contributor.
Anyway, let's get these failures in romance underway!

Love Letter to a Relationship That Never Happened...for Good Reason

Dear T---,

You are quite a woman,
--a crazy woman--
oh, what I meant to say
is that I'm crazy about you as a person,
but unfortunately already taken.
Your style is very unique,
I also could not help, but notice
that you are far below the legal age
and far beyond infatuated with me.
I don't really want to be arrested,
although you have little fear of that.
My first inclination that you were into me
occurred when we discussed our sexuality
in front of that elderly co-worker.
Then, you invited me to pee on a church,
yes, our bond is strong,
and that sounds like a charming activity.
I must regretfully decline the invitation, and
can only hope
that you take this rejection well.
It would be unfortunate if my brake lines
were to be cut,
as you always spoke of doing
to your mother.

Cheers,
J

One-line Rejection Letters #2

Once again, another product of boredom--so many things fit into that category, though. Editing my midterm poetry portfolio is my current school-related endeavor (the cat feels the need to sit in the middle of my work, of course). Also have about a week to write a paper about Vegetarians and Modernist Literature. Drudging my way through Dickens' Hard Times and starting Joyce's Dubliners. Yeah, it's okay to live vicariously through me.
Anyway, onward!

One-Line Rejection Letters #2

One of our reviewers was so overcome with despair that he gouged out his eyes with a letter opener so that he wouldn't have to look at the shape of your poem any further.